I'm Still Here Suckers

I heard this morning that I died last night. I had to pinch myself. It has been a dream of mine to actually be in the 'rumor mill'.
I have, up till now, lived a life of relative obscurity. Going about my day to day business under the radar.
Not true.
Everyone and their mother knows me, I have succesfully been in three places at one time. I do not know how I accomplish these amazing feats; being the subject of someone's fabricated story is an unusual skill. I will try to pass on what I know to anyone interested in being the subject of a false story.
It helps if you have a controversial reputation built on legendary acts of debauchery and 'devil may care' mayhem.
It also helps if you have an enigmatic personality prone to alienate almost everyone around you.
Talk about science and politics a lot.
Talk about the inequities that have created two distinct societies here in Central New York.
Work with any controversial character you can find and back them up.
Go out at three in the morning and walk the streets.
Get involved with current rumors and help them grow.
Eat a lot. You may wonder why I say eat a lot. The food helps put on pounds . Pounds limit physical movement which increases mental activity. Interest in television, more food, and rumors is a by product of a over healthy appetite. The television helps some people with creativity, but only those who totally lacked it before.
If you are already creative stay away from excess food and T.V. you already have a good rumor ready to be born.